Enjoy what you have...

I know that the living hear this a million times in a lifetime.  The saying manifests itself in phrases like Carpe Diem, Live life like it is your last day on earth, love like you have never been hurt, have no regrets. 

Recently, because a few people I have known, who are about my parents age, have passed on, I think about the lessons I can learn from their passing.  One was a guy who was a consultant on a case I worked on, who died of a heart attack, next to his wife, on the way back from London.  The other, which has had a more significant impact, was one of the ladies I work with, an incredible lady, who lost her struggle to breast cancer.  She was one of very few people I know who lived her life the way she wanted it.

My hope is that I can remember everyday the reminders I have had in the past few weeks.  Yesterday, while at a tribute to Romeo's graduation, I was reminded how important it is to go for it, to put yourself out there, and live your dreams.  The ceremony was a constant reminder about what can happen if you follow your heart and your dreams.  It again emphasized to work hard desipte how impossible it is at times.  I was reminded how important it is to tell those you love that you love them, while they are still here to hear it.  I feel like Romeo has again taught me to take a leap, impact those around me by my own actions, and be as honest with myself and those around me as much as I possibly can.

Today, at the service provided by my firm, this theme was highlighted again.   I was reminded to live this life to the fullest, have no regrets, and the impact one makes by being who you are.  Of the few people who chose to speak at the service, one speaker said something profound that he had read on an old headstone while visiting England.  It read somehting like, "If you came to find me, don't look for me here, for I am gone.  If you wish to find me, look into the hearts of those who I have loved, and that is where I will be."  It was amazing how this service of this lady's life was a real testment to her time here on earth and to that statement.  It reminded me of everything that she represented.  She was very open, kind, and loving to those around her.  She was adventurous, having sailed around the world several times with her husband.  She followed her dreams, working with her husband to save money and purchase their dream house in Arizona.  Last, she represented love not only to all those around her, but also in her relationship with her husband.  After 40 years of marriage, these two high shcool sweethearts never let the flame die out.  I remember meeting him when I first started here, and saw the way he loved her, and she loved him.  Her life, and her passing, should be a great reminder to take advantage of everything that I have.

I sincerely hope I can remember the lessons of these examples in a week from now.  I hope that I can remember the lessons shown here when times are hard.  I wish to remember these things everytime I wake up in the morning, and not let them become forgotten in the midst of the day to day grind.  For all that I know, I have one life.  If I learn nothing else, I should live it to the fullest.

Talk shows and popular culture

Now you may laugh at this, but this morning before work I was watching Maury Povich.  A woman had gone onto the show, and had said that she was ashamed that she had cheated on her boyfriend of 3 years, who was the father or her 3rd child.  The man had taken care of her and her 3 children,  after her pregnancy with the 3rd child had left her bed ridden for 6 months.  She wanted to come clean because the man had proposed to her, and the biggest issue here was that the 3rd child who this man thought was his own, may be the product of the unfaithful relationship.

It turned out that she told him, and he expressed the expected anger and dismay.  Povich asked him if he would like to have a DNA test, and after much carrying on, he said that he wanted to find out his relation to his son.

Two days later, the DNA test verifies that the child is in fact the product of the unfaithful relationship.  The man is devastated, the lady devastated, and the person who will probably suffer most is the child.

I saw this and walked away thinking about how fucked up this was.  First, that this lady bring on National TV this guy, who was always doing the right thing, to embarass him that she cheated on him, and further, that the child that he cares for, might not even be his.  Second, I felt angry because here is another strong male figure in a community where strong responsible males are growing harder and harder to find, and wonder what effect this public humiliation and betrayal will have on this man.  It started me thinking more about the times when I have watched this show, it is mostly females cheating on these good guys, and then breaking the news on Maury or some other talk show, and most the time the kids are the product of the unfaitful relationship.

Of course, being the person I am, I take it one step further.  I wonder what kind of effect this is having on our society.  Maury gets ratings and viewers from this, but it seems that everyone else looses.  Why would this be an appropriate option for righting the situation for someone who has cheated?  What benefits are bringing this out on National TV going to bring to the couple, or family, after the show?  And last, and most importantly, what kind of effect or impact is the constant portrayal of these shows having on the society we live in.

I am totally an advocate for free speech.  But at what point does personal free speech be protected, and public free speech should be censored.  What if there was a study done that says that the exposure to these kind of shows led to more and more socially irresponsible behavior, and erosion of the community.  What if also you could prove that shows like this give an unfair reflection of a certain population to those watching.  If there are only a certain number of media outlets, and it is proven that these media outlets have great potential to influence popular opinion, would it be fair to force these outlets to show programmming that is not in the interest of social erosion, yet still maintiaing freedom of personal speech?  I know that freedom of press is a grey area, because the founding father's could never have forseen television, but press seems to be more objective than television, and even written propoganda has less of an impact than TV.

So that is basically my question.  At what point do we as a community stand up and attempt to force Visual Media outlets away from programming that is detrimental to our society?  Censorship is a really slippery slope, but is it ever necessary to preserve the values and standards of our society?

When I was coming in here, I sat at the light, in the middle lane at 3rd Street and Market, next to a cab.  About a minute before the light turns green, my GF and I and saw something fall in front of our car, across the street, at about Geary/Market.  With the windows rolled up, we hear this big flat sound as it hit, like a gigantic thud.  She asks me if I saw it, and I respond something like, "kinda, I think it is just something that fell from the building."  As the light turns green and we approach the fallen object, I notice it is wearing tennis shoes. 

The cab on the side of us pulls over, and we follow.  We realize that this dude was the object that came off the 30 story building that was under construction.  The cabbies redirect traffic, while I first get out, tell my gf to stay in the car (because I don't want for her to get nightmares by what she might see), and have her call 911 emergency.  IT is utterly ridiculous to get 911 on a cell phone...we call cingular operator after trying several times, and even then, they are slow and shit, and bumble about to get us the number.  I am not helping things, like I am telling her what I am seeing, while the operator is fumbling about at a leisurely pace. 

She gets through, and is put on hold.  Finally, one of the cabbies managed to flag down a cop, and the fire dpt. was called.

So I ask the Officer if they need every witness, or if one is sufficient, and he says one is fine.  My GF is really shaken up, but I know she needs to open her Peets in El Cerrito, and that it would be better to have her get into the routine of the day than to sit around looking at a dead guy.  I ask her how she is holding up, and how she feels, and if she is ok to drive.  She tells me she is shaken, but can drive safely, and we decide she should go to work.

I go back to the officers to get interviewed as a witness, and they are doing this shit right by the guys body.  They hook up the EKG, and he is flat lining.  I give up my info and what I had seen, and by this time, I don't want to hear any more stories, see anymore of the dude as they roll him over and on to a gurney, and I had to go to work.

I write this now partly because I need to get it out.  I have a big deadline due this morning, but find myself not doing what I need to meet it, because I continue to reflect on the experience.  I am kind of saddened about how detached I am about the experience.  I just saw some guy die, and was pretty much like business as usual.  I was not grossed out by the body, but in reflection I feel bad for the dude who lost his life, and the others who had to witness it. It makes me very thankful for being alive, and for all that I have.

As I came in here, I read the chronicle about the car chase that ended right by my house Saturday, where a dude killed himself and another dude because he was going 80 mph on the other side of the freeway while running from the police, and hit a motorist into he fast lane head on.  Yesterday another accident about a mile away killed a couple people. 

I have a friend that's a SF cop, and another in the academy.  I have only had experiences with death every few years, and reading news makes me feel depressed.  I can only imagine what people who see this shit on the regular feel like.  Sorry to share this, but it is 6 in the morning, and I needed to share it with someone.